Legion of Sitcom Heroes
by PriestessOfNox
Summary: Breaking the 4th wall antics while I try to convince Clark and Brainy to play characters from retro sitcoms, from the 50's on. Mentions my other stories a couple of times, minor spoilers for Missing Pieces.


04/22/12

Happy Earth Day everyone!

This was done for the "Retro" theme for the April Weekly challenge at the ClarkxBrainy club. I couldn't figure out a serious idea so I went with goofy. XD

Enjoy.

Legion of Sitcom Heroes

The living room is completely black and white. It's not done in black in white; it actually is in black and white and shades of gray.

This was before color TV you brats, live with it.

Clark, also in black and white, comes in through the front door, wearing a suit with his hair slicked back and calls, "Brainy, I'm home!"

"I'm not coming out," Brainy shouts from the bedroom. "You can tell that author she's had enough fun tormenting me for one month with that "When Doves Cry" story!"

"That's director to you," the blond, spectacled girl shouted in return from off stage. "And stop trying to break the fourth wall."

"If I could break the fourth wall I would have killed you by now," Brainy's voice held a hint of poison.

The author/director, better known as PriestessOfNox, or Priestess for short, tried to feign innocence.

"It's all in good fun Brainy, a little fiction."

"This is not fun," Brainy stormed out of the left door which would have lead to the bedroom if this was a real apartment. Also in black in white his hair was done up in tight curls close to his head and wore a gray dress with white polka dots. "This is humiliating! Why do I have to be Lucy?"

"Because Clark makes a better Ricky Ricardo," Priestess smirked. "Don't you like him in his suit?"

"That is beyond the point," Brainy blushed.

"Come on Brainy, she needs to do something retro for the challenge," Clark smiled charmingly at his boyfriend.

Not having any of it, Brainy crossed his arms. "If you insist on doing this then I insist on brining in Conner to be little Ricky."

"Er, maybe we should try something else," Clark turned to the author hopefully.

"Careful there Clarky, your Young Justice Jerkiness is showing," Priestess narrowed her eyes at him but then sighed, "But we can't do this with a scowling Lucy even with Conner in short shorts to make up for it."

"So I can get out of this dress," Brainy asked hopefully.

"In a second, I want to show the audience who your land lords would have been," Priestess nodded towards the prop front door where Clark had come from earlier.

On cue Garth, in suspenders, and Imra, in a dress similar to Brainy's, came in through the door and Priestess turned on the applause machine.

"You have us as the old farts?" Garth scowled.

"No, I have you as the landlord neighbors and friends of the Ricardos," Priestess smiled, "The married bickering couple."

The word "married" put a big grin on Garth's face as Imra blushed.

Chucking, the author looked over her notes.

"Fifties is out, let's try the sixties."

With a click of her pen, Priestess changed the world of black and white to color. The living room also changed, along with her actor's outfits.

Clark now wore an Air Force uniform and Brainy screeched.

"How is this pink Arabian nightmare better then the dress?"

"You're the genie, you know of "I Dream of Jeanie"," Priestess explained, she hummed the theme song for a moment before looking completely serious. "I would have made it green but that was the evil twin sister. You don't want to be the evil twin sister do you? Plus green would make you look naked."

"I'm still flashing my belly button" Brainy tried to use his sash from his ridiculous head piece to try and cover himself.

"But it's such a cute belly button," Priestess cooed. "You should be grateful; Barbara Eden had to hide her belly button because of the censors."

"Damn censors, never around when you need them," Brainy steamed.

"Clark likes you belly button," Priestess turned to the Kryptonian astronaut. "Don't you Clarky?"

Clark, who had been busy staring at Brainy blinked a few times as he realized someone said his name. "I'm sorry, what?"

"See, instant undivided attention," Priestess tried to reason with the Coluan.

"No," Brainy scowled.

"Fine," Priestess pouted. "Since I don't get to see you do the cute arm fold and head bob thing can we go back to black and white to do Bewitched so you can do the cute nose twitch thing?"

"Allow me to put it into terms your fifth, if that, level mind can understand," Brainy ignored the author's statement that she was a twelfth level in creativity. "You assign me to be the girl and then it's not going to happen."

"Spoil sport," Priestess gave him a raspberry then clicked her pen, "Off to the seventies with you!"

In a new living room, there are a lot of living rooms in sitcoms isn't there, Brainy found himself in a bizarre red suit with a silver triangle on his chest that pointed downward and a few elements that made look a little an military uniform but felt too much like pajamas, even with the white gloves and silver boots. Beside him Clark wore a red plaid blouse cut shirt and jeans but wore his hair in the tiniest pigtails.

"Happy now; Clark's the girl," Priestess inwardly cursed the seventies leading lady for not having a more recognizable canon outfit in the numerous ones she had googled. "Let's make it a little more entertaining."

With a click, Clark's jeans were replaced by a jean skirt.

"Hey!" Clark pulled down the front of the skirt in attempt to keep himself covered.

"Fair is fair Clark, or should I say Mindy?" Priestess smiled and turned to Brainy. "Alright Mork have at it."

Crossing his arms, Brainy frowned at her.

"Come on Brainy, repeat after me," Priestess cleared her throat. "Na-no, na-no."

Brainy began to tap his foot.

"Come on Brainy, do something wacky and free spirited and oh god this was the worst casting decision ever," Priestess buried her face into her hands.

"No it wasn't," Clark tried to comfort her.

"Yes it was," Brainy argued.

Ignoring them, Priestess agonized in her head out loud, "Assigning you guys to other characters just isn't working. Maybe I should just dump you in a storyline?"

"Or you can release us. You can't hold us without telling us what crime we committed," Brainy stopped what he was going to say next at Clark's silent request.

"But the eighties were next and I wanted to do a cartoon," Priestess continued. "And I really wanted to do Rainbow Brite; Brainy was Patty O' Green and Clark as Buddy Blue."

"What did I say about assigning me to be the girl?" Brainy warned her.

"And those two were even dating."

"They were children, the 'Color Kids' if I recall correctly. They can hardly have been dating."

"I'm already doing a My Little Pony crossover story."

"Yes because that makes loads of sense."

"I could do Muppet Babies because Brainy would make a cute Kermit but that would make Clark Miss Piggy and that's just scary."

"Your other fanfictions already give me nightmares, are you trying to add this one to the list?"

"Quite whining, I gave you two sex chapters and a hint of more sex later on in Missing Pieces didn't I?"

"That is beside the point!"

"I could just dump you in Care a Lot and leave you there you know."

"You wouldn't dare."

"You'd get along with Grumpy Bear."

"Um, Miss Priestess," Clark stepped forward, still holding down the front of his jean skirt. "Hasn't what we've already done complete what you need for the challenge?"

"Technically maybe but we haven't done anything for the eighties or nineties yet," Priestess was tormenting Brainy by throwing small heart pillows at him and calling it a "Care Stare".

"Is the nineties really considered retro?"

"Technically yesterday is retro so yes."

"What would you do for the nineties?"

"Hmmm, not sure, there's nothing that really sticks out to me as being classically nineties and lots of stuff that was good in the nineties was leftover eighties or spilled over into the new millennium. I suppose Nick Toons would work…"

As she rambled on Brainy and Clark snuck out the back door.

"Hey Brainy I know you said you didn't want to play a girl but Daria was pretty awesome, right," Priestess looked up and saw nothing but a discarded pile of small heart pillows. "Of course you know, this means war."


End file.
